Some unknown dude once said, "Trouble will rain on those who are
already wet." Whatever the fuck that means.
007's POV
The next week or so on set was…for lack of a better description, the sincerest
form of a clusterfuck that ever existed.
Not that it didn't have it's moments.
There was an interesting mix of jabs at James, allowing contentedness to find
its way into my life even if only momentarily, confusing Mike, making me feel
at least temporarily full and satisfied, and lastly…trying to find some kind of
desperately needed but seldom found alone time with Bella, which…didn't
exactly happen.
Okay, it didn't happen at all.
Making me feel just a little bit pissed off and very highly frustrated.
Mentally and physically.
And sexually.
But that's not the point.
The point was, I was gonna have to remedy that situation, and fast.
I was running out of time and wasn't ABOUT to give everything up after all of
the epiphanies I'd discovered and all of the feelings that had surfaced.
And all the wacking off I'd been doing.
Again though, not the point.
Hmmmmm.
I'm sure I'm confusing you, right?
My bad.
Maybe I should start at the beginning.
Of the week that is.
See, it all started the following morning, the one after meeting James's tall as
fuck, ho-bag mistress that he was boinking on the side behind Bella's back.
I had been in a pretty good mood that morning, I have to say, and I was
looking forward to fucking with him for once.
"So James," I said after the morning bagels had all but disappeared and right
before he had the opportunity to call me a monkey again. "Pretty cold out last
night, huh?"
He scowled at me and I swallowed down the smile, so I wouldn't give away
what I was about to say to him. I was looking oh so forward to his facial
expression once I said it.
"Why exactly are you talking to me?"
I nearly lost my composure as I laid the pipe bomb of words out for him.
"Hey, I'm just…making small talk, that's all."
He started to walk away and that's when I laid it out for him.
Keeping my head down, pretending to read my script sheets, I asked him,
"So, you kept warm in that back of that limo, I bet, huh?"
I noticed that Bella had noticed the two of us talking from across the sound
stage and seemed to get a little tense, but I just winked at her and did a little
attempt at smirking to let her know…it was just a friendly conversation
between her unrequited love and the biggest douche in the history of
douches.
"You tryin' to say something? Intern?" he asked me, taking a step or two
backwards so he was face to face with me again.
Again, with that intern thing…I still wasn't getting it. And was still, quite
annoyed with it.
I looked up and made eye contact with him. "That red head that was camping
out in the back of said limo might wanna tell you something, but me? Nah, I'm
just trying to bond with my producer."
I smiled.
Wait for it.
He stumbled. I felt it, saw it, basked it in.
His face fell a tad and there was a moment where I could hear the wheels
turning inside his head.
BAM!
"You think you're smart, intern?"
And then, he crumpled my basking moment like a piece of parchment that had
sat out in the sun too long…like a withering rose pedal that had been touched
one too many times.
"Or should I call you, Cullen?"
Say whaaaaaat?
"Ummmm."
Yeah, insert holy mother fucking Christ on a goddamn sail boat to China, shit
for brains moment.
Right here.
"What?"
"You heard me, Cullen…" he said, then leaned in a little, smiling, so no one
could hear him. "I'm thinking you came in here today thinking you had
me…right?"
He didn't wait for me to answer.
"Thought maybe you could tell Bella about Victoria? Am I close?"
Still, nothin'.
"See, I heard your little conversation with your uncle the other day."
Bastard was always one step ahead of me!
"I've been trying to decide just exactly when and how to use the information
and you…" he picked an imaginary piece of lint off of my shirt.
Why do people do that anyway?
"Have just supplied me with both."
Dick.
"And here's what I'm thinking, Cullen…" He raised his stupid practically unibrow
eyebrows but they didn't quite meet because you could tell he shaved
that shit at me. "You're gonna stay away from Isabella, and you're gonna do
your job here, then you're gonna move along…do you know why?"
I made eye contact with him as my jaw tightened.
"Because if you don't, I'm gonna blow your cover, and Carlisle will be forced to
let you go because there'll be so much passive aggressive anger in the
station…and you know all those little friends that think you're really cool and
funny right now? Gone."
He was bluffing.
"You're bluffing."
He smiled.
Creepy, creeper McCreepington smiling again.
Oggidy Boogidy. Is all I'm sayin'.
"Try me."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Trust me Cullen, I've been in this business a whole hell of a lot longer than
you have, I know how shit like this goes down."
"Maybe I'm not so worried about me," I told him, because in truth, I shouldn't
have been. "Or what happens to me, maybe Bella being LIED to is the
important thing right now."
I was bluffing.
Sort of.
"Well, then by all means, go have a chat with Bella." He stepped aside to let
me pass but I didn't move.
Mother…FUCKER.
I breathed out and James patted my shoulder a little. "It's okay Cullen, bigger
fish than you have tried to fuck with me before…they didn't very get far either."
Ass.
"Have a good day, intern."
Hole.
Motherfuck if I don't suck at quick comebacks sometimes.
I looked over at Bella again, who was watching the whole time apparently, and
was waiting to see what came of the conversation.
I managed a weak ass smile at her, but then went back to my group of geeky
writers and spent some time processing the completely fucked scenario I'd
just found myself in.
"Rehearsals in ten, people!" Tanya called out not a few minutes later. She
always had the absolute BEST timing, I thought.
Us writers didn't see many of the actors for a while after that, and I welcomed
the time to catch up with where exactly things were at with the scripts because
to tell you the truth, I didn't wanna fuck this up for Carlisle, despite having a
dick hole Producer running the show.
…
"So you think Mike'll go for it?" one of the even more geekified writers than
myself asked me, snorting at the though of picturing Mike in a Banana suit.
"I think that…"
I started to turn and give the guy my thoughts but something caught my eye
and I had to do a double take.
"Ummmm…"
I didn't end up getting the chance to answer him.
My answer, by the way, had been that, absolutely, I thought Mike would go for
it, especially when he heard how he was going to top the previous year's
Nielson's with his comedic timing and stretching his abilities as an actor.
No, I didn't get any of that out at all.
Because that "thing" that caught my eye's attention? Was the actors all
coming back onto the set.
In their fully outfitted glory.
One actor, in particular, actually.
Bella Swan.
Holy mother of tight leather wearing sex symbols. What in the hell were Alice
and Rose trying to do to me, anyway?
Death by overly hardened joy stick palpitations…that's what.
"Holy shit," I said to myself as I lowered the script sheets I was holding to
cover up any embarrassing bulges that might have been showing in the front
of my pants…and then the geek next to me seconded my opinion.
Bella wasn't facing me exactly, but I saw her look my way as she made her
way to her first marks for her first scene. She walked with the utmost
confidence, she radiated like sunshine and people couldn't help but smile as
she passed them…but I could see it, lingering on the corners of her beautiful
bottom lip as it was caught in between her teeth…the shy woman inside…and
she was doing that sexy as hell scrunched up nose thing she does all the
time.
Emmett was saying something to someone…something about the lighting as
he fiddled with his camera equipment and I could very vaguely hear Mike in
the background somewhere, asking where his toy gun was.
Me?
I just stared…gawked actually.
Blatantly, too.
It's really all I could do.
"What am I doing?"
That was the second time I'd asked myself that question since meeting Bella.
I still didn't know the answer to it.
"Might wanna close the mouth, Edward," someone mumbled into my ear as
they passed behind me.
Alice…it was Alice. "Right," I muttered back somehow, blinking a few times in
a feeble attempt to come back into the realm of consciousness.
For the remainder of the day, I coached Mike a little on the delivery of his
lines…you know, how they should be spoken with confidence, not
confusion…I watched as Bella delivered her's flawlessly.
I was in awe of how absolutely and magnificently talented she was. People
laughed their asses off and it wasn't even the live event.
She also quite openly ignored James…and I wondered what in the hell that
was all about.
I mean he clearly had control issues…he was good at it, too…but clearly was
NOT controlling Bella.
I couldn't quite wrap my head around what I needed to do with regards to all of
it either. For example, how in the hell was I going to manage to convince the
new people in my life that I wasn't a nepotistic, opportunity seeking, riding on
the coat tails of my Uncle asshole.
Okay, maybe I was opportunistic.
A little.
But it was him who came to me about this gig…not the other way
around…and I hadn't planned on making friends that this shit would affect
either.
Or meeting a woman that I'd be interested in for more than just a one night
stand.
It all just kind of…happened.
This is what flying by the seat of your pants gets you, Edward. Congrats,
dude.
As the day wore on, and I just didn't have the energy to figure it all out yet, so
when Tanya called it a day, finally, I bolted.
I needed to think.
I knew Emmett and the rest of the gang were going over to Jasper's and I
wasn't up for forgetting about my problems and they didn't hunt me down,
either, gratefully.
I made a stop on the way home to purchase some items I'd need to help with
my think fest and then picked up several large boxes of Chinese to go and
lugged everything back to Emmett's.
People gave me looks, sure, but I didn't care, I had some shit to work through,
this was how I worked through it.
Later on, as I lay lifeless on his couch, emptying the helium from another one
of many helium balloons that I'd purchased on the way home into my mouth,
singing "Time in a Bottle", I thought about ways I could turn the situation
around.
I was a smart guy, I'd graduated with a three point nine average from
Washington State, I was turning a television show around to possibly be one
of the biggest hits since Seinfeld…surely I could deflate the ego of one ass
dick that was trying and quite frankly, succeeding in manipulating my love life.
Right?
I hadn't noticed Emmett and Rose walk in with Jasper and Alice when I started
the second verse of my song choice and they didn't bother making themselves
known until I was starting in on the chorus again.
That's when they started singing with me and I jumped about five feet off of
the couch, spilling the kung pao dish that had been sitting on my chest onto
the floor.
They laughed like the warped out people they are and I started explaining
myself incoherently…with the helium still lingering in my voice of course.
"W…what are you guys doing here?" I asked in a way too high for my build
voice.
They laughed again.
Drunks.
Emmett walked over and took one of my balloons, made an opening and
sucked on it, taking a nice deep breath to let as much of the helium fill his
lungs as possible, then answered me, speaking fast so he could get as much
of the affect of the helium that he could.
"Well, Edward…we thought we'd come see if you were okay, little man…we
saw how you…."
He took another breath of the helium into his throat.
"Looked when you left the station earlier and wanted to get the…"
Another breath.
"Scooooooooooooop."
He said that last word in a high pitched, crackling, almost sing songy voice.
More laughing.
"Funny," I said, eliciting more laughter, because apparently, since I'm smaller
than Em, the helium stays in my system longer and there was still a note of
high pitchedness coming out of me.
"I haven't sucked helium in AGES," Alice roared with laughter, taking another
one of my balloons, sucking on it, herself.
"Jaz-zeeeeeey! Kisssss….meeeeeeeee," she sang, giggling and she sounded
like one of those laughing hyenas from Africa, or Indonesia, wherever the hell
they're from.
Jasper smiled and took her balloon from her as he offered it and took his own
long drawl from it.
He looked her in the eyes as he slipped a hand around her and said as dead
on serious as he could…with a helium voice that is, "It would be my pleasure,
darrrrrrrlin'."
"Okay, can we NOT waste the helium?" I asked them, but they were too far
gone…so I figured, if ya can't convince 'em to cease and desist of the kid play,
join 'em.
By the time we were almost out of balloons, Emmett, Jasper and I were doing
helium induced impersonations of Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson from
Shanghai Knights, ending with Emmett doing the worst high front kick at my
head I'd ever seen, then saying perfectly serious, raising an eyebrow, "I call
that my…Kung Pao Chicken."
The girls were dying and eating all of my Chinese takeout and my ribs hurt
from laughing so hard at how we must have looked to the outside world, but in
the middle of the complete and utter ridiculousness…I'd gained some
perspective on a few things.
Stealth…I needed stealthiness.
Like Jackie Chan.
Eyeballing the containers that were laying around, a couple of ideas had come
to mind, reminding me about the take out delivery people going in and out of
Bella's apartment the other night.
I just needed some time to work it all out.
After Alice and Jasper left and Rose headed off to bed, I managed to give
Emmett some vague details about what James was up to without really giving
away the meat of the problem, and he told me he'd drop a light fixture on the
a-hole's head for me if I really wanted him to.
I relished in his loyalty to a guy whom he'd just met and was lying his ass off
about shit and wondered, just for kicks, who'd end up throwing the first punch
when they all found out who I really was, Emmett, or Rose.
This all brings me back to the rest of the week.
See, the next day, I'd psyched myself up for James…now that I knew what to
expect from him, and that apparently, we wasn't going to say anything to
anyone, as long as I stayed away from Bella..or…thought I was staying away
from Bella.
I mean what he didn't know wasn't gonna hurt me.
Right?
I just needed to mange to get the upper hand…a step ahead…then
I'd crush him like the placebo nano-mite that he was.
I was sickeningly sweet to him.
Ridiculously respectful.
And thought once or twice about seriously taking Emmett up on his offer to
drop a light onto James's head.
All the while, I was planning my pay back.
Avoiding Bella hadn't been part of that plan but as it worked out, she was busy
as shit with her lines and some things that were happening outside of our little
bubble called TV land and she just wasn't very approachable for some
reason..
Plus James hung around needlessly, like a parasite all week, and hadn't left
me a whole lot of openings for coming up with truly unnecessary reasons for
requiring private conferences with Bella.
Rose and Alice talked to her a lot, but I couldn't bring myself to inundate them
with questions and they didn't offer anything up, so I had nothing to go on as
far as what in the world was running through that beautiful head of Bella's.
It was maddening, to say the least.
I managed to make it through my final weekend as Shrek at Jasper's on
Friday and Saturday night.
That musical was moving on, thank god, and Jasper told me I'd find out what
my next character would be when I came in the following week.
However, word apparently travels fast in the New York City Broadway scene,
and a bunch of women that came in after the show both nights had requested
a reprise of my Proclaimers impersonation.
I'm not complaining, I made a shit load of money off of those ladies, to which
I'd handed over half of my earnings to Emmett forcefully, and purchased a
laptop with the rest…and an iPhone…I went a little over board, maybe, but I
needed them.
I can't spend the rest of my brilliant writing career actually writing shit out by
hand.
But anyway, back to the story.
The karaoke singing on those nights paled in comparison to the original
evening I'd sung the song to Bella, and all singing that song really and truly
did was make me miss her more…her smile, the way her eyes lit up and the
all important, feel of her lips against mine.
I watched her apartment, too, while I was off work, I watched who came and
went, where they went, when they came back, who ordered out, what time
and with which restaurants and even caught a glimpse of Bella a couple of
times when she'd left go to the gym.
I'm not a sicko stalker crazy person type, I was pulling recon.
Really.
And by the way, James made no visits that weekend, which got me wondering
again, what was going on with them.
…
It was Monday afternoon that it happened.
I was trying desperately to read Bella's body language and it was the night
before we were supposed to premier live with our pilot in front of a studio
audience when Mike approached me for the hundredth time.
"Edward."
I sighed out, becoming one with my inner Mike Newton patience.
"Yeah, Mike."
"Why am I wearing a banana suit in scene three again?"
I closed my eyes, pinched the bridge of my nose for a second and answered
him. "It's part of an undercover mission you go on, Mike, it's explained in
scene…two."
He flipped his pages back and ran his finger down the page until he found
what I was talking about.
"Oh yeah…" he laughed, but it sounded more like a I'm supposed to laugh at
this laugh, than a that really is funny kinda laugh… "Thanks Edward," he said,
then walked off, reading through his lines again.
God help us, is all I'm sayin'.
People were filing out and I was just about to leave, going over some ideas I'd
had in my head as to how to finally get Bella alone when I noticed James
walking toward me.
Which is never a good sign, as history has proven.
Creepy, gives me the willies like no other smile was back and he stopped just
before we met.
I slung my laptop bag over my shoulder a little more, waiting for him to speak,
because it was obvious he had something to say and I had
absolutelynothing to say, so…
"I'm taking Isabella out tonight, monkey, I think she's finally figured out that
you're not worth her precious time."
I felt my jaw tighten slightly.
"Really."
"Mmm hmmm, and even though she hasn't been sleeping in my bed lately, I
think that's all going to change after she receives the present I'm having
delivered to her apartment while we're out…"
What was he getting at?
"Present," I repeated, blandly.
"She'll get it later, after I drop her off, and then you will be…as they say,
history."
"And you're telling me this, why?" My eyebrows curled up, waiting for the
hammer to drop.
"Yep," he said, checking his overly manicured fingernails. I mean seriously,
what guy does that? "Seems my buddy down at one of the rag mags that
Isabella hates so much finally did some digging…" he eyed me. "On his own
of course."
Of course.
"And found out exactly who you are."
Uh oh.
"He's planning on running a story soon and was kind enough to hand over a
pre-print of his article."
The panic in my face must have shown through a little too much and he
chuckled.
"Have a nice night, Cullen, it'll probably be your last." He patted me on the
shoulder as I looked down at the floor.
Everyone was gone now and my laptop bag fell as I stood there, processing
what he'd said.
"Shit…"
No shit.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."
What the fuck was I gonna do?
"Okay, don't panic, panicking is bad…we'll just…step up the plan."
I looked up to Carlisle's office but it was dark.
No help there, I thought, looking around me at…nothing…but then looked up
again, because, maybe there was some help up there.
I bounded two steps at a time up the stairs and rounded a few corners,
avoiding the security guards as I slipped into Carlisle's upstairs accounting
office and mulled around until I found what I was looking for.
Personnel files.
I did a little happy dance and flipped through them until I found Bella's…forced
myself not to look at anything too personal and then...
BINGO!
I found her address. Her apartment number to be precise.
"God I'm good."
I jotted the info down, put everything back into its place, picked my bag up
again and headed to Emmett's.
I was pretty much out the door as they asked me, "Hey, wanna split a pizza?"
"No time, gotta run, see you guys tomorrow…" I blabbered out and then
stopped myself short because I suddenly realized, I may have had an
address, but I also needed to get passed the big guy at the front door.
Felix.
I turned back around.
"Hey, Em?"
"Yeah, buddy?" he answered, showing Rose what he wanted from the menu
while she waited for the Pizza place to answer.
"Think I could borrow you for a little while
already wet." Whatever the fuck that means.
007's POV
The next week or so on set was…for lack of a better description, the sincerest
form of a clusterfuck that ever existed.
Not that it didn't have it's moments.
There was an interesting mix of jabs at James, allowing contentedness to find
its way into my life even if only momentarily, confusing Mike, making me feel
at least temporarily full and satisfied, and lastly…trying to find some kind of
desperately needed but seldom found alone time with Bella, which…didn't
exactly happen.
Okay, it didn't happen at all.
Making me feel just a little bit pissed off and very highly frustrated.
Mentally and physically.
And sexually.
But that's not the point.
The point was, I was gonna have to remedy that situation, and fast.
I was running out of time and wasn't ABOUT to give everything up after all of
the epiphanies I'd discovered and all of the feelings that had surfaced.
And all the wacking off I'd been doing.
Again though, not the point.
Hmmmmm.
I'm sure I'm confusing you, right?
My bad.
Maybe I should start at the beginning.
Of the week that is.
See, it all started the following morning, the one after meeting James's tall as
fuck, ho-bag mistress that he was boinking on the side behind Bella's back.
I had been in a pretty good mood that morning, I have to say, and I was
looking forward to fucking with him for once.
"So James," I said after the morning bagels had all but disappeared and right
before he had the opportunity to call me a monkey again. "Pretty cold out last
night, huh?"
He scowled at me and I swallowed down the smile, so I wouldn't give away
what I was about to say to him. I was looking oh so forward to his facial
expression once I said it.
"Why exactly are you talking to me?"
I nearly lost my composure as I laid the pipe bomb of words out for him.
"Hey, I'm just…making small talk, that's all."
He started to walk away and that's when I laid it out for him.
Keeping my head down, pretending to read my script sheets, I asked him,
"So, you kept warm in that back of that limo, I bet, huh?"
I noticed that Bella had noticed the two of us talking from across the sound
stage and seemed to get a little tense, but I just winked at her and did a little
attempt at smirking to let her know…it was just a friendly conversation
between her unrequited love and the biggest douche in the history of
douches.
"You tryin' to say something? Intern?" he asked me, taking a step or two
backwards so he was face to face with me again.
Again, with that intern thing…I still wasn't getting it. And was still, quite
annoyed with it.
I looked up and made eye contact with him. "That red head that was camping
out in the back of said limo might wanna tell you something, but me? Nah, I'm
just trying to bond with my producer."
I smiled.
Wait for it.
He stumbled. I felt it, saw it, basked it in.
His face fell a tad and there was a moment where I could hear the wheels
turning inside his head.
BAM!
"You think you're smart, intern?"
And then, he crumpled my basking moment like a piece of parchment that had
sat out in the sun too long…like a withering rose pedal that had been touched
one too many times.
"Or should I call you, Cullen?"
Say whaaaaaat?
"Ummmm."
Yeah, insert holy mother fucking Christ on a goddamn sail boat to China, shit
for brains moment.
Right here.
"What?"
"You heard me, Cullen…" he said, then leaned in a little, smiling, so no one
could hear him. "I'm thinking you came in here today thinking you had
me…right?"
He didn't wait for me to answer.
"Thought maybe you could tell Bella about Victoria? Am I close?"
Still, nothin'.
"See, I heard your little conversation with your uncle the other day."
Bastard was always one step ahead of me!
"I've been trying to decide just exactly when and how to use the information
and you…" he picked an imaginary piece of lint off of my shirt.
Why do people do that anyway?
"Have just supplied me with both."
Dick.
"And here's what I'm thinking, Cullen…" He raised his stupid practically unibrow
eyebrows but they didn't quite meet because you could tell he shaved
that shit at me. "You're gonna stay away from Isabella, and you're gonna do
your job here, then you're gonna move along…do you know why?"
I made eye contact with him as my jaw tightened.
"Because if you don't, I'm gonna blow your cover, and Carlisle will be forced to
let you go because there'll be so much passive aggressive anger in the
station…and you know all those little friends that think you're really cool and
funny right now? Gone."
He was bluffing.
"You're bluffing."
He smiled.
Creepy, creeper McCreepington smiling again.
Oggidy Boogidy. Is all I'm sayin'.
"Try me."
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Trust me Cullen, I've been in this business a whole hell of a lot longer than
you have, I know how shit like this goes down."
"Maybe I'm not so worried about me," I told him, because in truth, I shouldn't
have been. "Or what happens to me, maybe Bella being LIED to is the
important thing right now."
I was bluffing.
Sort of.
"Well, then by all means, go have a chat with Bella." He stepped aside to let
me pass but I didn't move.
Mother…FUCKER.
I breathed out and James patted my shoulder a little. "It's okay Cullen, bigger
fish than you have tried to fuck with me before…they didn't very get far either."
Ass.
"Have a good day, intern."
Hole.
Motherfuck if I don't suck at quick comebacks sometimes.
I looked over at Bella again, who was watching the whole time apparently, and
was waiting to see what came of the conversation.
I managed a weak ass smile at her, but then went back to my group of geeky
writers and spent some time processing the completely fucked scenario I'd
just found myself in.
"Rehearsals in ten, people!" Tanya called out not a few minutes later. She
always had the absolute BEST timing, I thought.
Us writers didn't see many of the actors for a while after that, and I welcomed
the time to catch up with where exactly things were at with the scripts because
to tell you the truth, I didn't wanna fuck this up for Carlisle, despite having a
dick hole Producer running the show.
…
"So you think Mike'll go for it?" one of the even more geekified writers than
myself asked me, snorting at the though of picturing Mike in a Banana suit.
"I think that…"
I started to turn and give the guy my thoughts but something caught my eye
and I had to do a double take.
"Ummmm…"
I didn't end up getting the chance to answer him.
My answer, by the way, had been that, absolutely, I thought Mike would go for
it, especially when he heard how he was going to top the previous year's
Nielson's with his comedic timing and stretching his abilities as an actor.
No, I didn't get any of that out at all.
Because that "thing" that caught my eye's attention? Was the actors all
coming back onto the set.
In their fully outfitted glory.
One actor, in particular, actually.
Bella Swan.
Holy mother of tight leather wearing sex symbols. What in the hell were Alice
and Rose trying to do to me, anyway?
Death by overly hardened joy stick palpitations…that's what.
"Holy shit," I said to myself as I lowered the script sheets I was holding to
cover up any embarrassing bulges that might have been showing in the front
of my pants…and then the geek next to me seconded my opinion.
Bella wasn't facing me exactly, but I saw her look my way as she made her
way to her first marks for her first scene. She walked with the utmost
confidence, she radiated like sunshine and people couldn't help but smile as
she passed them…but I could see it, lingering on the corners of her beautiful
bottom lip as it was caught in between her teeth…the shy woman inside…and
she was doing that sexy as hell scrunched up nose thing she does all the
time.
Emmett was saying something to someone…something about the lighting as
he fiddled with his camera equipment and I could very vaguely hear Mike in
the background somewhere, asking where his toy gun was.
Me?
I just stared…gawked actually.
Blatantly, too.
It's really all I could do.
"What am I doing?"
That was the second time I'd asked myself that question since meeting Bella.
I still didn't know the answer to it.
"Might wanna close the mouth, Edward," someone mumbled into my ear as
they passed behind me.
Alice…it was Alice. "Right," I muttered back somehow, blinking a few times in
a feeble attempt to come back into the realm of consciousness.
For the remainder of the day, I coached Mike a little on the delivery of his
lines…you know, how they should be spoken with confidence, not
confusion…I watched as Bella delivered her's flawlessly.
I was in awe of how absolutely and magnificently talented she was. People
laughed their asses off and it wasn't even the live event.
She also quite openly ignored James…and I wondered what in the hell that
was all about.
I mean he clearly had control issues…he was good at it, too…but clearly was
NOT controlling Bella.
I couldn't quite wrap my head around what I needed to do with regards to all of
it either. For example, how in the hell was I going to manage to convince the
new people in my life that I wasn't a nepotistic, opportunity seeking, riding on
the coat tails of my Uncle asshole.
Okay, maybe I was opportunistic.
A little.
But it was him who came to me about this gig…not the other way
around…and I hadn't planned on making friends that this shit would affect
either.
Or meeting a woman that I'd be interested in for more than just a one night
stand.
It all just kind of…happened.
This is what flying by the seat of your pants gets you, Edward. Congrats,
dude.
As the day wore on, and I just didn't have the energy to figure it all out yet, so
when Tanya called it a day, finally, I bolted.
I needed to think.
I knew Emmett and the rest of the gang were going over to Jasper's and I
wasn't up for forgetting about my problems and they didn't hunt me down,
either, gratefully.
I made a stop on the way home to purchase some items I'd need to help with
my think fest and then picked up several large boxes of Chinese to go and
lugged everything back to Emmett's.
People gave me looks, sure, but I didn't care, I had some shit to work through,
this was how I worked through it.
Later on, as I lay lifeless on his couch, emptying the helium from another one
of many helium balloons that I'd purchased on the way home into my mouth,
singing "Time in a Bottle", I thought about ways I could turn the situation
around.
I was a smart guy, I'd graduated with a three point nine average from
Washington State, I was turning a television show around to possibly be one
of the biggest hits since Seinfeld…surely I could deflate the ego of one ass
dick that was trying and quite frankly, succeeding in manipulating my love life.
Right?
I hadn't noticed Emmett and Rose walk in with Jasper and Alice when I started
the second verse of my song choice and they didn't bother making themselves
known until I was starting in on the chorus again.
That's when they started singing with me and I jumped about five feet off of
the couch, spilling the kung pao dish that had been sitting on my chest onto
the floor.
They laughed like the warped out people they are and I started explaining
myself incoherently…with the helium still lingering in my voice of course.
"W…what are you guys doing here?" I asked in a way too high for my build
voice.
They laughed again.
Drunks.
Emmett walked over and took one of my balloons, made an opening and
sucked on it, taking a nice deep breath to let as much of the helium fill his
lungs as possible, then answered me, speaking fast so he could get as much
of the affect of the helium that he could.
"Well, Edward…we thought we'd come see if you were okay, little man…we
saw how you…."
He took another breath of the helium into his throat.
"Looked when you left the station earlier and wanted to get the…"
Another breath.
"Scooooooooooooop."
He said that last word in a high pitched, crackling, almost sing songy voice.
More laughing.
"Funny," I said, eliciting more laughter, because apparently, since I'm smaller
than Em, the helium stays in my system longer and there was still a note of
high pitchedness coming out of me.
"I haven't sucked helium in AGES," Alice roared with laughter, taking another
one of my balloons, sucking on it, herself.
"Jaz-zeeeeeey! Kisssss….meeeeeeeee," she sang, giggling and she sounded
like one of those laughing hyenas from Africa, or Indonesia, wherever the hell
they're from.
Jasper smiled and took her balloon from her as he offered it and took his own
long drawl from it.
He looked her in the eyes as he slipped a hand around her and said as dead
on serious as he could…with a helium voice that is, "It would be my pleasure,
darrrrrrrlin'."
"Okay, can we NOT waste the helium?" I asked them, but they were too far
gone…so I figured, if ya can't convince 'em to cease and desist of the kid play,
join 'em.
By the time we were almost out of balloons, Emmett, Jasper and I were doing
helium induced impersonations of Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson from
Shanghai Knights, ending with Emmett doing the worst high front kick at my
head I'd ever seen, then saying perfectly serious, raising an eyebrow, "I call
that my…Kung Pao Chicken."
The girls were dying and eating all of my Chinese takeout and my ribs hurt
from laughing so hard at how we must have looked to the outside world, but in
the middle of the complete and utter ridiculousness…I'd gained some
perspective on a few things.
Stealth…I needed stealthiness.
Like Jackie Chan.
Eyeballing the containers that were laying around, a couple of ideas had come
to mind, reminding me about the take out delivery people going in and out of
Bella's apartment the other night.
I just needed some time to work it all out.
After Alice and Jasper left and Rose headed off to bed, I managed to give
Emmett some vague details about what James was up to without really giving
away the meat of the problem, and he told me he'd drop a light fixture on the
a-hole's head for me if I really wanted him to.
I relished in his loyalty to a guy whom he'd just met and was lying his ass off
about shit and wondered, just for kicks, who'd end up throwing the first punch
when they all found out who I really was, Emmett, or Rose.
This all brings me back to the rest of the week.
See, the next day, I'd psyched myself up for James…now that I knew what to
expect from him, and that apparently, we wasn't going to say anything to
anyone, as long as I stayed away from Bella..or…thought I was staying away
from Bella.
I mean what he didn't know wasn't gonna hurt me.
Right?
I just needed to mange to get the upper hand…a step ahead…then
I'd crush him like the placebo nano-mite that he was.
I was sickeningly sweet to him.
Ridiculously respectful.
And thought once or twice about seriously taking Emmett up on his offer to
drop a light onto James's head.
All the while, I was planning my pay back.
Avoiding Bella hadn't been part of that plan but as it worked out, she was busy
as shit with her lines and some things that were happening outside of our little
bubble called TV land and she just wasn't very approachable for some
reason..
Plus James hung around needlessly, like a parasite all week, and hadn't left
me a whole lot of openings for coming up with truly unnecessary reasons for
requiring private conferences with Bella.
Rose and Alice talked to her a lot, but I couldn't bring myself to inundate them
with questions and they didn't offer anything up, so I had nothing to go on as
far as what in the world was running through that beautiful head of Bella's.
It was maddening, to say the least.
I managed to make it through my final weekend as Shrek at Jasper's on
Friday and Saturday night.
That musical was moving on, thank god, and Jasper told me I'd find out what
my next character would be when I came in the following week.
However, word apparently travels fast in the New York City Broadway scene,
and a bunch of women that came in after the show both nights had requested
a reprise of my Proclaimers impersonation.
I'm not complaining, I made a shit load of money off of those ladies, to which
I'd handed over half of my earnings to Emmett forcefully, and purchased a
laptop with the rest…and an iPhone…I went a little over board, maybe, but I
needed them.
I can't spend the rest of my brilliant writing career actually writing shit out by
hand.
But anyway, back to the story.
The karaoke singing on those nights paled in comparison to the original
evening I'd sung the song to Bella, and all singing that song really and truly
did was make me miss her more…her smile, the way her eyes lit up and the
all important, feel of her lips against mine.
I watched her apartment, too, while I was off work, I watched who came and
went, where they went, when they came back, who ordered out, what time
and with which restaurants and even caught a glimpse of Bella a couple of
times when she'd left go to the gym.
I'm not a sicko stalker crazy person type, I was pulling recon.
Really.
And by the way, James made no visits that weekend, which got me wondering
again, what was going on with them.
…
It was Monday afternoon that it happened.
I was trying desperately to read Bella's body language and it was the night
before we were supposed to premier live with our pilot in front of a studio
audience when Mike approached me for the hundredth time.
"Edward."
I sighed out, becoming one with my inner Mike Newton patience.
"Yeah, Mike."
"Why am I wearing a banana suit in scene three again?"
I closed my eyes, pinched the bridge of my nose for a second and answered
him. "It's part of an undercover mission you go on, Mike, it's explained in
scene…two."
He flipped his pages back and ran his finger down the page until he found
what I was talking about.
"Oh yeah…" he laughed, but it sounded more like a I'm supposed to laugh at
this laugh, than a that really is funny kinda laugh… "Thanks Edward," he said,
then walked off, reading through his lines again.
God help us, is all I'm sayin'.
People were filing out and I was just about to leave, going over some ideas I'd
had in my head as to how to finally get Bella alone when I noticed James
walking toward me.
Which is never a good sign, as history has proven.
Creepy, gives me the willies like no other smile was back and he stopped just
before we met.
I slung my laptop bag over my shoulder a little more, waiting for him to speak,
because it was obvious he had something to say and I had
absolutelynothing to say, so…
"I'm taking Isabella out tonight, monkey, I think she's finally figured out that
you're not worth her precious time."
I felt my jaw tighten slightly.
"Really."
"Mmm hmmm, and even though she hasn't been sleeping in my bed lately, I
think that's all going to change after she receives the present I'm having
delivered to her apartment while we're out…"
What was he getting at?
"Present," I repeated, blandly.
"She'll get it later, after I drop her off, and then you will be…as they say,
history."
"And you're telling me this, why?" My eyebrows curled up, waiting for the
hammer to drop.
"Yep," he said, checking his overly manicured fingernails. I mean seriously,
what guy does that? "Seems my buddy down at one of the rag mags that
Isabella hates so much finally did some digging…" he eyed me. "On his own
of course."
Of course.
"And found out exactly who you are."
Uh oh.
"He's planning on running a story soon and was kind enough to hand over a
pre-print of his article."
The panic in my face must have shown through a little too much and he
chuckled.
"Have a nice night, Cullen, it'll probably be your last." He patted me on the
shoulder as I looked down at the floor.
Everyone was gone now and my laptop bag fell as I stood there, processing
what he'd said.
"Shit…"
No shit.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."
What the fuck was I gonna do?
"Okay, don't panic, panicking is bad…we'll just…step up the plan."
I looked up to Carlisle's office but it was dark.
No help there, I thought, looking around me at…nothing…but then looked up
again, because, maybe there was some help up there.
I bounded two steps at a time up the stairs and rounded a few corners,
avoiding the security guards as I slipped into Carlisle's upstairs accounting
office and mulled around until I found what I was looking for.
Personnel files.
I did a little happy dance and flipped through them until I found Bella's…forced
myself not to look at anything too personal and then...
BINGO!
I found her address. Her apartment number to be precise.
"God I'm good."
I jotted the info down, put everything back into its place, picked my bag up
again and headed to Emmett's.
I was pretty much out the door as they asked me, "Hey, wanna split a pizza?"
"No time, gotta run, see you guys tomorrow…" I blabbered out and then
stopped myself short because I suddenly realized, I may have had an
address, but I also needed to get passed the big guy at the front door.
Felix.
I turned back around.
"Hey, Em?"
"Yeah, buddy?" he answered, showing Rose what he wanted from the menu
while she waited for the Pizza place to answer.
"Think I could borrow you for a little while
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